Writing

The New Yorker

The Accident Claus

The Boyfriend Identity

Duelling Book Blurbs

Family Vacation Breakdown

To the Class of 2050

To the Class of 2050 AUDIO VERSION (performed by Rachel Dratch)

Tips for Wild-Animal Encounters

Mom and Baby are Both Doing Fine

When I Knew I Found The One

Spooky Campfire Tales

Hint, Hint: Some Thoughts on my Engagement Ring

The Onion (some of my faves)

Op/Ed: Nothing Gets Me Wetter Than A Monotonous Domestic Routine

Op/Ed: If I Could Live In Any Decade, It Would Definitely Be The 960's

Dick Van Dyke Finally Confesses To Zodiac Killings
Family Watching Movie White-Knuckles It Through Unexpected Sex Scene

David Bowie Asks Iman If They Should Just Do Lasagna Again

New Dating Website Helps Plus-Size Jewish Plane Crash Survivors Find Love

Mandatory Unisex Golden Globes Uniforms Keep Focus On Stars' Work

Michelle Obama Opens Up In 'Marie Claire': 'Our Sex Life Has Never Been More Open, More Experimental, More Generous'

Stone-Hearted Ice Witch Forgoes Exclamation Point

Siblings Gather Around PowerPoint To Hash Out Off-Limits Topics For Thanksgiving

Campus Tour Guides Reminded To Use Official Name For Rape Hall
David McCullough Wondering How Much Scratch He Could Shake Out Of Frederick Douglass

Justin Timberlake Tells Jessica Biel No One Will Believe Her
Couple Making Out At Bus Stop Like It's Fucking Paris
Single Nurse Can't Help Noticing Man Isolated For Ebola Not Wearing A Ring
HR Sends Out Reminder Email About Not Scrawling 'Revenge' In Blood In Conference Room
Report: Everyone You Ever Had A Crush On Secretly Had A Crush On You, They Still Do, And They're Waiting For You

The New York Times

I Took My Shirt Off and So Should You

McSweeney's

What Guys Say Vs. What They Really Mean

Ultimate Dreidel Fighting Rules

A Teenager Tries to Make the Best of Hosting Her Middle-Ages Themed Party at the Same Time as Her Older Brother's Lacrosse Team's Kegger

Museum of Natural History Interoffice Smackdown

Mr. Tambellini's School of Driving

The Wall Street Journal

All I Want For Christmas

The Daily Beast

A Field Guide To Valentine's Day Office Etiquette